My Complaint

1mAn3rd

Here is my complaint on Pres. Bush :

I feel that there are better ways in which to disseminate the following information, but this letter will have to suffice. Let me preface my discussion by quickly reasserting a familiar theme of my previous letters: If Pres. George W. Bush doesn't like it here, then perhaps he should go elsewhere. I don't know if I speak for anybody but myself on this, but classism is not merely an attack on our moral fiber. It is also a politically motivated attack on knowledge. Pres. Bush argues that onanism is a wonderful thing. I wish I could suggest some incontrovertible chain of apodictic reasoning that would overcome this argument, but the best I can do is the following: He wants to force us to experience the full spectrum of the George W. Bush Rainbow of Heathenism. It gets better: He actually believes that he can force people to act in ways far removed from the natural patterns of human behavior and get away with it. I guess no one's ever told him that I think this is tragic. Stated differently, it is not news that that is no excuse for anything. What speaks volumes, though, is that his associates' thinking is fenced in by many constraints. Their minds are not free because they dare not be.

Pres. Bush wants us to think of him as a do-gooder. Keep in mind, though, that he wants to "do good" with other people's money and often with other people's lives. If Pres. Bush really wanted to be a do-gooder, he could start by admitting that he promises his satraps, who are legion, that as soon as he's finished forcing me to lose my cultural moorings and become a rootless drifter in a cosmopolitan chaos, they'll all become rich beyond their wildest dreams. There's an obvious analogy here to the way that vultures eat a cadaver and from its rottenness insects and worms suck their food. The point is that when Pres. Bush was first found trying to bar people from partaking in activities that cannot be monitored and controlled, I was scared. I was scared not only for my personal safety; I was scared for the people I love. And now that Pres. Bush is planning to provide the pretext for police-state measures, I'm surely downright terrified.

I call upon Pres. Bush to stop his oppression, lies, immorality, and debauchery. I call upon him to be a man of manners, principles, honour, and purity. And finally, I call upon him to forgo his desire to provide loud wisenheimers with a milieu in which they can win support by encapsulating frustrations and directing them toward unpopular scapegoats. I plan to fight for our freedom of speech. Are you with me -- or against me? Whatever you decide, Pres. Bush maliciously defames and damagingly misrepresents everyone and everything around him. There's a word for that: libel.

I myself am absolutely shocked and angered by Pres. Bush's indelicate, deranged improprieties. Such shameful conduct should never be repeated. Pres. Bush always tries to shift blame from himself to censorious misers. If you don't believe me, see for yourself. He may not have a monopoly on the perpetuation of exclusivism but his smears are evil. They're evil because they cause global warming; they make your teeth fall out; they give you spots; they incite nuclear war. And, as if that weren't enough, one can consecrate one's life to the service of a noble idea or a glorious ideology. Pres. Bush, however, is more likely to let advanced weaponry fall into the hands of iconoclastic New Age hostes generis humani.

Pres. Bush has so frequently lied about how the future of the entire world rests in his hands that some weaker-minded people are starting to believe it. We need to explain to such people that Pres. Bush is locked into his present course of destruction. He does not have the interest or the will to change his fundamentally footling positions.

You can chalk up incidents such as the ones I've described to the ugly nature of Pres. Bush's proposed social programs, and everyone with half a brain understands that. Since I don't know Pres. Bush that well, I'll have to be a bit presumptuous when I say that he is always trying to change the way we work. This annoys me because Pres. Bush's previous changes have always been for the worse. I'm positive that his new changes will be even more clueless because I've managed to come up with a way in which Pres. Bush's essays could be made useful. His essays could be used by the instructors of college courses as a final examination of sorts. Any student who can't find at least 20 errors of fact or fatuous statement automatically flunks. Extra credit goes to students who realize that Pres. Bush's recommendations have kept us separated for too long from the love, contributions, and challenges of our brothers and sisters in this wonderful adventure we share together -- life!

Pres. Bush talks loudly about family values and personal responsibility but when it comes to backing up those words with actions, all he does is supplant one form of injustice with another. Even his representatives couldn't deal with the full impact of his inveracities. That's why they created "Pres. Bush-ism," which is just a heinous excuse to take the focus off the real issues. Others have stated it much more eloquently than I, but he has, at times, called me "abusive" or "viperine". Such contemptuous name-calling has passed far beyond the stage of being infantile but harmless. It has the capacity to create massive civil unrest.

Pres. Bush has convinced a lot of people that trees cause more pollution than automobiles do. One must pause in admiration at this triumph of media manipulation. We're all in this mess together. I trust that I have not shocked any of you by writing that. However, I do realize that some of my readers may feel that much of what I have penned about Pres. Bush in this letter is heartless and in violation of our Christian duty to love everyone. If so, I can say only that Pres. Bush thinks it would be a great idea to arrest and detain his enemies indefinitely without charge, without trial, and without access to legal counsel. Even if we overlook the logistical impossibilities of such an idea, the underlying premise is still flawed.

Pres. Bush's methods are much subtler now than ever before. Pres. Bush is more adept at hidden mind control and his techniques of social brainwash are much more appealingly streamlined and homogenized. Just the other day, some of his unsympathetic, sententious slaves forced a prospectus into my hands as I walked past. The prospectus described Pres. Bush's blueprint for a world in which boisterous evildoers are free to deprive individuals of the right to proscribe Pres. Bush and his companions as the most dangerous enemies of the people. As I dropped the prospectus onto an overflowing wastebasket I reflected upon the way that when a friend wants to drive inebriated, you try to stop him. Well, Pres. Bush is drunk with power, which is why we must change the minds of those who introduce disease, ignorance, squalor, idleness, and want into affluent neighborhoods.

Having endured countless hours of listening to Pres. Bush's grotty gibber, I can say with confidence that he claims that two wrongs make a right. Predictably, he cites no hard data for that claim. This is because no such data exist. In closing this letter, let me point out that I would be remiss if I didn't remind you that under different circumstances, Pres. George W. Bush's subordinates might have ended up as offensive dunderheads drifting the streets -- evil grifters pressing tracts crammed with conspiracies into the palms of startled passersby.


Ok, so you may have guessed that I am not the one that wrote that Well, I'm not. I used an automated complaint generator but it is very fun to mess around with Here is the link:

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--1mAn3rd